What Would Erma Say? - No. 312

Erma Bombeck, hope, humor + revisiting the 1970s Layered Salad

I HAD THE GOOD FORTUNE RECENTLY to spend several days in Phoenix as part of the 45th Annual Friends of Erma Bombeck Authors Luncheon. It has become a leading book destination because more than 1000 people pack into a ballroom to hear authors tell the stories behind their books, buy lots of copies, and support the National Kidney Foundation of Arizona.

The event was named for humorist Erma Bombeck, bestselling disgruntled suburban housewife, Phoenix resident, regular on Good Morning America, columnist for 900 newspapers, and in many ways, a feminist.

Her wry sense of humor was a refreshing tonic to millions as she meandered through life changing diapers, baking meatloaf, attending teacher meetings, and dishing on it one joke at a time.

But Erma’s life was plagued by polycystic kidney disease. A kidney transplant that didn’t take eventually led to her death in 1996. It was her dream to raise money for those who suffered like her in Arizona.

‘’My mom said, ‘I don’t really want to go to another fashion show for women. I can get my friends, and they can sell their books, and we can make money,’ ‘’ according to her daughter Betsy. The first friends she invited to attend the event were Marlo Thomas, Phil Donahue, and Stephen King.

I worry about scientists discovering someday that lettuce has been fattening all along. But mostly, I worry about surviving, keeping up with the times in a world that changes daily. Knowing what to keep and what to discard. What to accept and what to protest. - If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? by Erma Bombeck, 1971. (The above family photo was taken in 1984 for a Time magazine cover story. Betsy is to the left of her mom. Erma’s husband Bill is on the right. Sons Andy and Matt are behind. Photo courtesy of the Bombeck family.)

At the Phoenix book event, Betsy Bombeck was standing in line to get her copy of my cookbook signed, and because the table where I was sitting was up on a podium, Betsy and I were looking eye to eye.

I asked Betsy about layered salad. If you Google Erma Bombeck and ‘’favorite recipe,’’ it’s what pops up.

‘’Yes,’’ she said. ‘’My mom made it. And also Cherry Surprise.’’

Betsy discreetly handed me her contact info as if we were trading secrets. I called her this past week.

‘’I don’t think we ever saved that recipe,’’ laughed Betsy on the phone, referring to Cherry Surprise. ‘’It was Thanksgiving dinner and we always had extra people at the table, and mom said she’s making Cherry Surprise. It was this molded salad but when she took the mold off, it ran all over the place. ‘Eat it,’ my mom said. ‘It will taste better than it looks.’ ‘’

Layered salad, on the other hand, was everyone’s go-to back in the ‘70s. It made a grand appearance at potlucks and holidays and pretty much everything in between. And I rationalized that it made perfect sense for Erma to make a layered salad, stick it in the fridge, and serve it later.

Revisiting the 1970s layered salad.

Erma Louise Fiste was born into a working class family in Dayton, Ohio, in 1927. Her father died when she was nine, and she and her mother, who was also named Erma, moved in with her grandmother.

Betsy said her mom was shy, ‘’a loner,’’ who loved books and started writing a humor column for her high school newspaper. She worked her way through college, the University of Dayton, by writing a newsletter for a local department store, and then she became a reporter for the Dayton Journal-Herald and birthed a column called ‘’Operation Dustrag,’’ a funny take on homemaking.

Four years after she married her husband Bill Bombeck in 1949, they adopted Betsy. Two years later, she was pregnant with a son Andrew (Andy), and they moved to the suburbs—Centerville, Ohio. They would have another son, Matthew (Matt), born in 1958. She had plenty to write about. A second column, ‘’At Wit’s End,’’ was syndicated by Newsday and appeared in newspapers nationwide.

Erma Bombeck 1973. Photo: Getty Images

My mother was crazy about Erma, and I believe Erma resonated with millions of women like my mom who knew they weren’t perfect and didn’t want to be. It was decades before Martha Stewart would glue-gun pinecones to a door wreath. These women had made it through the World War II years, and they were just trying to survive home life.

What would Erma do today if she were still alive? I wondered. What would she say?

Erma was appointed to the President's National Advisory Committee for Women in 1978 for the final implementation of the Equal Rights Amendment. She traveled to almost every state where the battle for the ERA was being waged. She believed that no matter if you worked outside the home or as a homemaker, what you give to society should be considered equal. But the ERA ultimately failed.  

Erma would lament, according to Lynn Hutner Colwell, author of Erma Bombeck: Writer and Humorist: ‘’We've got a generation now who were born with semi-equality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attaché cases and our three piece suits…We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away.’’

Erma with Julia Child, 1979. Photo: Getty Images

Betsy said her mother would ‘’have some difficulty with what’s going on today.’’

‘’She wouldn’t understand the divide in this country. She was able to meet with people from both sides…And she would have said to look for commonalities because we all have kids, we all are on deadlines or in carpools, and we all can have kindness and still have different views.

‘’She used to always tell us don’t sweat the small stuff. If you cut your toes off with that lawnmower don’t come running to me. If you cross your eyes, they will freeze.’’

Anybody can bring you to tears, said Erma. ‘’It is 20 times as easy—make that 50–to make people cry rather than laugh.’’

The power of humor: 10 Erma quotes to get us through post-election and the holidays

• Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

• My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

• Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

• If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.

• I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

• Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

• A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he’s a priest.

• Never have more children than you have car windows.

• Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I’m taking with me when I go.

• Did you ever notice that the first piece of baggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

What are your favorite Erma quotes?

Erma on the 45th Annual Friends of Erma Bombeck Authors Luncheon book bags.

What was it like having Erma as your mom

‘’It was different growing up, there were always film people at our house, but first of all, she was a mom. And she saw the world in such a different way than other people did,’’ Betsy said.

‘’She saw the humor in life. She was oddly sentimental. You had to be funny to survive in our family!

‘’My first cookbook from my mom was the Betty Crocker cookie cookbook for kids and we baked every recipe in there.’’ One time Betsy and a friend were baking the lace cookies but they overcooked them and the cookies stuck to the pan. Years later, Betsy finds her mom kept the burnt pan and she asked her why. ‘’She said, ‘it reminded me of you girls.’ ‘’

After I returned from Phoenix, I drove to Athens, Tennessee for a book signing at Greek’s Bearing Gifts. I was talking with my friend and shop owner Patti Greek about Erma Bombeck and she pointed to the wall by the cash register.

There was a framed Erma passage—a gift from her dad who had been a big fan. She recalled how he laughed his way through life, too.

Erma, to me, was a champion. She said things that women of her time thought about but dared not speak. I hope this letter leaves you a little happier than when you started…

- xo, Anne

P.S. Here’s a great YouTube video of Erma.

Someone asked me the other day if I had my life to live over would I change anything…There would have been more I love yous...more I'm sorrys...more I'm listenings...but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it...look at it and really see it...try it on...live it...exhaust it...and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it. - Erma Bombeck, written in 1979 and excerpted from Eat Less Cottage Cheese and More Ice Cream, Andrews McMeel, 2003.

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Book Tour News

A big request: If you have bought my book (via Amazon or Barnes & Noble) and are able to write a review, please do so. Thank you!

After this newsletter is published, I am heading to Kentucky. I’ll be in conversation with author and baker Stella Parks in Lexington on Wednesday 11/13 at 7 pm at Joseph-Beth Booksellers. So excited to meet Stella! And the next night, I will be speaking with a fellow Substackian, Scott Hines, in Louisville. See you at 7 pm at Carmichael’s Books on Frankfort Highway.

This weekend, I will be in Austin at the Texas Book Festival, appearing in the Central Market Cooking Tent Sunday at 11:30 am with signing afterwards. Hope to meet you!

Hello Jacksonville! I cannot wait to be in Jax to talk with your best bakers about baking in the South. Here is the link to sign up for this fabulous event sponsored by Edible Northeast Florida. Space is limited.

Check out my complete tour schedule here.

Remember that Nov. 15 is National Bundt Day, so pull out your favorite pan and bake!

For Paid Subscribers, I’ll be sharing details soon of a Paid Subscriber Zoom Holiday Party. Woohoo! There will be prizes and guest appearances. And most of all, there will be all of YOU! I so appreciate your paying a bit to allow me to keep doing what I love, writing this newsletter and testing these recipes SO THEY WORK. We’ve grown into a very nice community. If you’re a free reader and you feel you can swing it, I’d love for you to become a paid subscriber, too.

THE RECIPE:

Erma Bombeck’s Layered Salad (Revisited)

Layered salad will never go out of style. It’s still the perfect recipe to tote to potlucks and chili parties. And it can be prepped ahead and stored in the fridge. I’ve updated Erma’s recipe, and my recipe below can further be updated to suit your tastes. It’s just so beautiful with the layers. Be sure to dig deeply when you scoop it onto plates.

Makes 8 servings

• Garlic Ranch Dressing:

• 1 head garlic

• Olive oil to drizzle

• 3/4 cup plain Greek yogurt or sour cream

• 3/4 cup mayonnaise

• 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

• 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

• 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

• 1 teaspoon dry Ranch seasoning mix, optional, or salt and pepper

• Salad:

• 8 to 10 ounces salad greens (spinach, spring mix, Boston, Bibb)

• 1 1/2 cups (10 ounces) cherry tomatoes, divided

• 1 large avocado, cubed

• 3 large hard-cooked eggs

• 1 cup frozen green peas, thawed

• 1/3 cup finely minced sweet onion or green onion

• 1 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese or crumbled feta

• 6 to 8 slices bacon, fried until crisp, drained and crumbled

• For garnish: more Parmesan, cheddar, or parsley

1. For the dressing, heat the oven to 400ºF. With a heavy knife, cut the top off the head of the garlic, leaving the cloves exposed. Place the head still intact on a square of foil, and drizzle with olive oil. Seal the foil, and place in the oven. Roast until the cloves are soft, about 40 minutes. Set aside to cool.

2. When the garlic is cool enough to handle, separate the cloves and squirt the soft roasted garlic into a blender. Add the yogurt, mayonnaise, Parmesan, lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, and seasoning mix. If you are not using the Ranch seasoning, season with salt and pepper. (Creole salt is nice, too.) Blend until smooth and set aside.

3. For the salad, place about half of the salad greens in the bottom of a glass bowl. Cut the cherry tomatoes in half horizontally, and place half of them on top of the lettuce. Add half of the avocado. Peel the hard-cooked eggs, and slice crosswise. Layer the slices on top of the avocado. Sprinkle the peas on top. Add a layer of onion, followed by cheese. Add another layer of the salad greens. Top with the rest of the tomato halves and avocado. Add a layer of crumbled bacon.

4. Pour the dressing over the top of the salad to cover it. You can always hold back a little and serve that to the side. Garnish with the cheese and parsley, if desired. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and chill overnight or at least several hours.

5. To serve, dig deeply with salad tongs to reach all the layers. Serve with chili, barbecue, fried chicken, or just make a meal of it with crusty bread.